I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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