ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
