There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
