Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
