You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
