How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My balls are so social today.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
