is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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