Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
