Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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