i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
