He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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