Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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