I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
