Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
