i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
