my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
