I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
