im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
