hotel room ftw
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
