I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
