I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
