Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
