Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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