The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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