Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
