Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
