And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
