I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
