This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
