Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
