Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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