then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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