No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
