I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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