where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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