I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize