I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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