and next time when you feel me up, do it right
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
