How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
