That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
