The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I stole a fireplace last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
