I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
