I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
