I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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