Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
