I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
