i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
