Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
