I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
