OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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