I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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