I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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