Jerry, you need to find god
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
