I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
